She sat at the kitchen table looking out the window. She sat there feeling an inner scream. She got up. Made herself a cup of tea being present with her inner scream.
She sat containing it within herself. There was no need to figure out anything. She gave herself this time to be out of the mind. Just present in her feeling body. Truthfully, she didn’t even know why she had this inner scream. She woke up with it.
The sky was just beginning to awaken. Soon there would be a moving out of the silence as the rest of the world caught up with the day. This was a treasured time of day for her. She threw on her rubber boots and went to greet the outside. Still being present with her inner scream; somehow, she had a smile on her face.
An inner smile. She could hold that inner scream and the smile at the same time. As she did she felt her heart center. It felt warm and nurturing. An area she has cultivated over time. She felt thankful that she was able to hold the inner scream and the heart at the same time. She headed down the road not knowing where she was going. Not taking a usual route for her morning walk.
Putting her hands in her pocket she pulled out a tissue and wiped a tear from her eye. She knew she was in a heart opening. Her heart could transmute this scream. No need to do anything but be with both, as long, as she stayed out of her mind.
Just as she was starting to think and make something of the inner scream a sweet little kitten ran across the road. She used the vision to remind herself not to think, but to stay with her heart. She felt a sweet tender feeling of gratitude for the kitten. Timely little thing, but she knew if she started to think of how timely it showed up, she would enter her mind, so she sank into her heart center even deeper.
By the time she got back home and walked in the door stomping her boots on the mat she was at peace. Not even an inkling of the inner scream. She went to her meditation studio and lit a candle. Offering a prayer. Who did she want to mentor with today? Green Tara, Mother Mary…
She sat down picking up her copy of ‘The Sophia Code’. A living transmission book that had prayers and rich wisdom. She leafed through the book and came upon a verse.
“Tuttare is a seed sound wave of self-love that liberates your awareness from
eight great fears by taking refuge in your own divinity.” P.135
She sat with the verse feeling it. “My own divinity,” she said out loud. Relishing the feeling. She shut her eyes and went into a deep meditation space. Feeling her own divinity. Not thinking of it. Feeling the cherished longing in her heart. This longing for the sacred one. The Mother of Creation; The Universal Mother. After some time of connecting with this precious feeling she offered herself up. Raised her arms in surrendering herself to this Divine Force.
She started to presence herself back in the room after some time. Not knowing how long she had sat there like that. Then landing in her third eye to be in for the rest of the day, she opened her eyes to begin her day with intention to be connected and feel her own divinity and self-love. To accept nothing else as she moved throughout her day.
OM TARE TUTTARE TURE SOHA she lightly chanted from her heart intending to chant at periods throughout the day into evening. Yes, Green Tara I am choosing you today or did you choose to mentor with me and she listened.
She listened to co-create her day. Not being dependent on the Ascended Master, but the interaction as she knew she was her own person. A sparkling soul who was waking up. She gave thanks to her Spiritual Teachers and Healers who held her on her journey.
She knew she was not an easy student or client. Like most people in deconstruction work – remembering the feeling of kicking and screaming at times. Acting out. Feeling anger, rage, mistrust at those who were in the healing field. Those she chose to work with. Maybe not chose, but those she felt guided to. Grateful she did it and is still doing it. Acknowledging her bravery to deconstruct her shadow self. It was big. A can of worms she hadn’t realized was even there. She hadn’t realized how those little reactions stole her peace. Stole her connection to the Source.
She gazed at the candle getting ready to gear into her day – sessions with her clients. Knowing their journey ahead of them and making a silent prayer “May it be in ease and sacred guidance. May I step out of the way and let you Mother, Father, God the Totality of One – hold these precious brave souls and transform with your Grace.”
OM TARE TUTTARE TURE SOHA
