Being in a relationship for 25 years has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my lifetime. This is half my life. For the last 12 years, my marriage has felt like a fairy tale. In fact, the other day I overheard someone describing her desire for a relationship like mine, and her friend said “it didn’t exist”. When I hear this I want to scream from the roof tops, “It can be real. You can have the relationship of your dreams.”
Stepping out of your parents relationship
Be that as it may, it wasn’t always like this. I remember my husband acting differently when other people were around us. I felt the shrinking in my heart when he would do this. Then, I would in turn act differently. In effect, it didn’t feel like ‘us’. It felt like we were becoming our parents. The last thing I wanted was their marriages. That is to say, at least the dysfunctional parts. I am sure you are aware as I am, this is most of the relationships out there.
Visualizing your relationship goal
Seeing this, I wanted to develop a spiritual relationship with my partner. One where we have a spiritual connection. So, a very impacting thing I did about 15 years ago, was framing a picture of a public couple who displayed the type of relationship that I wanted. They were musicians, and traveled the world bringing their music and Satsangs to people. They emanated a deep loving respect for each other. I placed the picture in the bathroom, so it wouldn’t be missed. I explained that this was the type of relationship that I wanted. Indeed, it turned out, he wanted this too.
Spiritual deconstruction work to bring spiritual connection to our relationship
Also, the other thing that changed the destiny in our relationship was spiritual deconstruction work. Yes, both of us! When we were upset with each other, and reacted, we seized the opportunity and brought it into our own individual energy work session with an Energy Work Practitioner. This is the exact energy work I am offering people. Most importantly, it is where we didn’t talk about each other, but brought our own reaction into the session. Importantly, even the good feelings that happened that week. This creates more heart openings.
By golly, this has changed everything in our lives. We have stepped out of family patterns by doing this simple work. Well simple yes, but difficult to show up at times. I must say, for over a period of time, it took a real commitment.
Spiritual intimacy in relationships
The shifts and changes in each other, and our marriage, has led us to pretty much a fairy tale way of being. Every day we can’t wait to see each other, share a meal and hear what each other has to say. We close the door to our bedroom at night, and there is laughter and loving intimacy. Unlike before, when he would come home, I would have lists to do, chores and gripes about this or that, just as our parent’s marriages were.
The energy work rests on a spiritual dimension. Gradually because of this, it opened our hearts to the world around us. When I look around and see couples who have done this type of work similar to us, I can feel the same love and respect in their relationships. They have relationships that are deep, present, respectful and intimate.
Conscious relationships versus unconscious relationships
Then I look around and see other people’s relationships. The friends or people who don’t do this type of work. They are pretty awesome people who do counseling (which has its place). Perhaps they read self help books, and watch inspiring TV shows such as Oprah, but I don’t see their relationships being ones that inspire me. I don’t see the intimate fairy tale or their relationship shifting into another realm.
In conclusion, I suspect that in order to get a relationship that has a fairy tale feel, it is extremely helpful to work in that realm.